Christmas Time Continuum

by Becki Porter-Harmon MA BCC LPC

Lately, as I grow older, I am more aware of the idea that the experience of the time leading up to Christmas (or any holiday for that matter), is perceived differently by age group. It is like a continuum that starts out with a perception of time passing too slowly, and gradually increases to a lightning-fast perception of the passing of time. It seems that the younger one is, the longer it takes for the special day to arrive. The older one grows, the quicker that day seems to hurdle toward us from the future – till it arrives, and one is left breathlessly wondering how it is possible that only a brief time, or none, is left for any preparation.

Considering this, it seems that part of this difference in perspective is in the matter of the attitude towards the day. A child does not feel a great deal of responsibility to accomplish things and is present with their feelings of excitement and fun. Even in youth, we remember the special things that only occur during this particular season. The overall view is mostly positive and therefore it is desirable for the event to get here quickly! (Note: I write the above comments acknowledging that every child does not have the luxury of such positive experiences and expectations).

As adults moving through the seasons of life – along with the seasons of the calendar – we tend to become more aware of the passing of time. Along with that, we often become focused on all the items on a “to do” list that we keep in our heads about special days – our SHOULDS. Our focus moves away from the excitement, fun, positive meaning and enjoyment. We now are overwhelmed by things to be accomplished (along with all that life already requires of us) – and so the clock seems to tick faster, reminding us each day that we have one less day to do everything.

How do we balance this emotionally? For things do have to be done, and there are things that are all part of making Christmas a special time, particularly for those we love. Most of us don’t want to become like Scrooge before his “spiritual” awakening – and yet we are stressed.

It occurred to me, while thinking about writing on this theme, that this is really about the idea of advent (in Christian circles awaiting the coming of Christ) – which is a concept traditionally linked with Christmas. Simply put, advent is the idea of waiting with anticipation. A child tends to wait in anticipation of something special and positive. An adult may “wait” with the idea of just getting through a list and getting on with it. The idea of mindfulness or being present in the moment may supply one key to moving to a place of more enjoyable anticipation. Easier said than done. But doable for everyone, is the idea of intentionally slowing yourself down, including your brain and your emotions.

What would this potentially look like? Set aside time. Just a few minutes is fine. Stop and breathe. Notice how you are feeling and what thoughts are going through your mind. You can sit and do this with a cup of coffee. You can take a brief walk while you do it. Use deep breathing. There is no one way. Five minutes a day will do it. It is a discipline of sorts, but there is no one right way to do it. You may notice that you are having both positive and negative feelings and thoughts. All you have to do is notice them and accept them. Speak kindly to yourself about doing the best you can and only having to do this today. Don’t project out two weeks with thoughts of ALL THAT YOU SHOULD DO. Set an intention for yourself, a reasonable guideline (not a hard and fast should), of what you would like to focus on for this day (or if you do this at night, for the next day). Make sure any lists, mental or on paper, are not lists of everything to be done over a period of time – but only for the one day. Keep them on the shorter side. You can always add to them. Most importantly, if you do not carry out something that was part of your intention, you accept it and have compassion for yourself.

If you choose, you could incorporate the following traditional themes of Advent and Christmas as part of your intention setting or focus on being present. The four themes, one for each week beginning with the first of December, are: HOPE, PEACE, JOY, and LOVE. Attempt to filter your various thoughts and emotions through the theme for the week, and try to notice and experience this theme, as you go about your day interacting with people and accomplishing goals.

And finally for your (possible) reflection, I share the following quotes: “Christmas isn’t a date on a calendar; It’s a feeling in the heart.” (Toni Sorenson).“The best way to see Christmas is through the eyes of a child.”(anonymous)

Peace.

Becki Porter-Harmon MA BCC LPC, Licensed in Virginia and Registered to see FL clients on-line

Approved Supervisor for licensing candidates

cell- 571-215-3594

email: Becki@pastoralcounseling.com

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