by Alexandra Delaroderie, LPC
According to AARP’s Research Report on, “Caregiving in the U.S. 2020,” (May 2020) 21.3 percent of Americans are caregivers, who provided care to an adult or child with special needs in the last 12 months. In looking at caregivers for adults only, the prevalence has risen from 16.6 percent in 2015 to 19.2 percent in 2020. Caregiving is increasing and will continue to do so as our population ages. If you are in a caregiver role, it is important to take care of yourself, know your limits, and ask for help when you need it.
We are all familiar with the concept of caregiving, which is defined as caring for someone who is unable to care for themselves. As babies, we relied on our parents to provide us with what we needed until we were able to provide for ourselves. Children who are now adults are also taking on the role of caregiver to their parents due to chronic medical conditions, disability, or aging.
Caregiving can be an arduous task; it is stressful, time-consuming, emotionally, and sometimes physically difficult. Emotionally, you can feel frustration, anger, shortness of temper and patience. Physically, you may find you are not eating well, not sleeping well, feeling run down, and exhausted. Despite the difficulties, it can be helpful to know you are helping a loved one and giving them the care and love they need and deserve.
Many of these caregivers are raising a family, working and involved in community activities outside the home. In some cases, our loved one is living with us as they no longer can care for themselves. In my personal experience, I was a caregiver to my child who was diagnosed with a chronic condition while also caring for an elderly parent. Some of you may have faced that unique and sometimes extreme pull in opposite directions. I understand the challenges and stressors of what it means to balance caregiving responsibilities, working, and managing daily tasks. It is overwhelming, challenging and yet, we are asked to manage it all.
When a loved one lives with you, it initially disrupts the current dynamic. After they arrive, it is important to have a structure and new routine in place. Additionally, having a support system is important, whether it is other family members or friends who can help.
If you are a caregiver of a loved one who is living with you, you may be providing medication management, dressing, assisting with hygiene, feeding and other tasks. If your loved one is living either on their own or in a facility, you may be managing finances, scheduling visits, cooking, cleaning, and communicating with your loved one or staff members frequently.
A caregiver is also an advocate. You may be communicating with doctors or staff members about treatment, medications, social interactions, medical assistance, nutrition, and overall well-being. In situations such as these the ability to communicate and manage relationships is especially important. Caregivers are also often caretakers who must articulate the needs and wants that the patient is unable to express.
As a caregiver, it takes strength, patience, flexibility, and resiliency to provide, coordinate and consider the diverse and sometimes extensive care our loved one requires. Often because we come from a place of deep love, we hold such high expectations of ourselves that can be hard to reach or maintain. Because being a caregiver is so intensive, important and prevalent in our daily lives, caregivers can easily put their needs last. It is important as caregivers to take care of ourselves so that we can maintain the level of care our loved ones need. If we are overwhelmed, having a hard time functioning, and stressed, we will not be able to do our best. It’s like a rubber band. How far can you stretch before you break? As a caregiver, it is crucial to have a self care plan and support in place so that you don’t burn out or become depressed and anxious and break like the rubber band. But also because YOUR quality of life is important. Your self-care can include: going out for a walk, meditating, talking with a friend or counselor, or something as simple as having a cup of tea and sitting down for a few minutes. When you need a break, ask for help.
At the Center for Pastoral Counseling of Virginia, we meet you where you are. We have a number of experienced counselors who can hold space for you during the ups and downs of your caretaking journey. Working with adults who are caring for an elderly parent is a passion of mine. I approach clients with compassion to help them process their thoughts and feelings. I, as well as the other counselors at CPC, are always here to partner with you should you need us. I am currently accepting telehealth clients. Other counselors are available to meet in person at one of our many Northern Virginia locations.
Alexandra Delaroderie, LPC
703-903-9696 Ext 210 (voicemail)
adelarodcpc@gmail.com
Additional resources for further information on caregiving:
www.nia.nih.gov
www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/
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