My last assignment to receive my MS for counseling was to write a reflection paper using a metaphor for pastoral counseling. My metaphor was “inspiring the truth-sayer within.”  The truth-sayer is a metaphor reaching deep into antiquity. Plato used the Allegory of the Cave to show how painful it can be to accept someone bearing the truth. In Frank Herbert’s Dune science-fiction novels, the “truth-sayer” is called in to detect whether or not someone is lying. Novelists and philosophers alike write of truth-sayers being valuable — and scarce — in societies.

Inspiring the truth-sayer within emphasizes the importance of truth to mental health.  Ours is a society where image often supersedes reality, and persona supersedes what is deep in the soul. Many of us grew up hearing phrases like: “boys don’t cry,” or “if you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” or “she is the smart sister and the other one is pretty.” 

Although often voiced with good intent, these common phrases often become rules that discourage the truth from coming into awareness. As Geri Scazzero (2010, p. 54) wrote in “The Emotionally Healthy Woman: “When we grow up with family rules like these, we easily can end up lying to ourselves about our needs and desires. We tragically restrict important aspects of who God made us to be, inevitably, we limit our God-given freedom to choose and minimize the God-given truth about who we really are.”

Existentialist Irvin Yalom’s (1989, p. 24) “Tales of Psychotherapy” emphasized that the truth and life can be limited by a lack of self-awareness. My favorite line Yalom used to open a counseling session was: “Today you’ve made a decision to come here and be honest about yourself. Tell me about that decision.”

There are many therapeutic approaches that can help clients find their personal truth as we build self-awareness in a safe environment. Another approach I find most fascinating is called Internal Family Systems (IFS). It is based on the premise that all of us have a Self, with a capital ‘S’, that knows how to heal ourselves within. 

IFS founder Dr. Richard Schwartz, Ph.D describes Self as having no fear, confident with curiosity, clarity of mind, and ready to connect with others in a calm compassionate way. So, if this is true, why do so many of us have trouble feeling, thinking, and behaving in a way that is in harmony with this description of Self? The IFS answer is that we also have parts of us that have suffered emotional pain and have not healed.

Those parts are often not seeing today’s truth. They establish defensive roles that coverup a person’s truth and prevent them from building the self-awareness needed to move through a painful experience and on to the more recent truth. IFS trained therapists help clients learn to become Self-led and heal those parts burdened with the past. In a very real sense, the truth can set them free.

Michael Casey (2001), a monk from Australia, equates living in the truth with humility.  In “A Guide to Living in the Truth” he presents a poignant description of humility:

“A first approach to understanding humility is to see it as that total self-acceptance typical of untarnished humanity. Those who are humble experience no shame. They do not need lies and evasions to inflate their importance in the eyes of their associates, or to buttress their self-esteem. They have overcome the tendency to regard others as competitors or rivals, and so they work with whatever they have, and waste no time envying those who possess different qualities.  The humble are equally content with both the gifts and the limitations that come from their nature or their personal history. Humility brings with it a fundamental happiness that is able to cope with external difficulties and sorrows.”

This level of self-acceptance is difficult to achieve, yet even understanding it as a goal can contribute to mental health. Do you know what parts of you are in the way of achieving this fundamental happiness? If you have made the decision to seek your truth but need someone there to help keep you safe and steady while doing so, please consider reaching out to one of the counselors at the Center for Pastoral Counseling of Virginia.

Tamara Philbin is a National Certified Counselor who received her Masters in Pastoral Counseling from Loyola University of Maryland. She has worked with adults suffering from childhood sexual abuse, relationship problems, life transitions, depression, anxiety, addictions, and self-esteem issues. Her ongoing professional development includes study and additional training in Internal Family Systems and EMDR. She is a resident with the Center for Pastoral Counseling of Virginia and can be reached at (703) 903-9696 ext. 212.

References:

Casey, M. (2001). A Guide to Living in the Truth: Saint Benedict’s teaching on humility. Petersham, MA: St. Bede’s Publications.

Plato. (1994). The Oxford history of Western Philosophy. Anthony Kenny (Ed). Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Scazzero, G. (2010). The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight thing you have to quit to change your life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Yalom, I. D. (1989). Love’s Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books.
Image credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/FzhhpPa5Kro

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The views and opinions expressed in this article are those solely of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Center for Pastoral Counseling of Virginia.

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